Tuesday, July 23, 2002

I hereby confess to having napped on the job for the first time ever.

Which reminds me of Mr Jackass, my lovable stoner co-worker at Accounts Payin' from a year ago. Mr Jackass was simply fantastic to work with. Coming in hung over, stoned, late, and sometimes, even stupider than the day before! Occasionally, he was so hung over, he had to go out to the hallway and quietly dry heave! Often he would forget to enter the right invoice numbers, check amounts, addresses, his own initials or signature. He never ever had to answer the phone or try and find where all those hundreds of misplaced dollars went because his desk didn't have a phone! My desk had the phone!

Many a day I would take a huge stack of unreturned checks and push myself into the dark, dank, windowless file room which always smelled of other people's food (since thats where the microwave was), in order to look up each and every invoice associated with each check only to find hundreds, even thousands of liitle bits of paperwork that Mr Jackass had half assed his way through or done completely wrong. But, I quietly continued to play the Asshole-Will-Turn-into-Human-Being-If-I'm-Patient game and left him alone to exist in the world as he chose.

And that brings me to the napping, because the napping drove me over the edge. Classes started, and my dear co-worker could no longer handle the grueling 10 hours a week he put in, and began to nap on the job. Propping his feet on a pulled out file shelf, turning his chair to face away from the other office workers, and slyly placing one hand on the keyboard as if he was inbetween letters in a word, he would nap and nap and nap every single day. Sometimes, for half an hour or more. And then came the fateful day when he asked me to wake him up in a bit.

"Hey, wake me up in a bit, ok?"
"HELL NO! I"M NOT YOUR GODDAMN PERSONAL ALARM CLOCK"
"Whaaaatt? I would do it for you.."

This story illustrates the reason why one should be alone in one's own office when considering napping on the job. No pesky bitches around to piss on one's cheerios when all one needs is a friendly push-over to help one do what one should have done last night instead of getting really high and really drunk and watching porn with "one's boys".