Friday, July 12, 2002

Taken from the Dirty Roomates File:
Way back in 2001, I lived with Soror-o-whore numbers 1 and 2 and one Chatty Cathy.
Cathy and I got along great. The same could not be said for numbers 1 and 2, because they were dirty dirty girls. And not dirty in that delightful way girls can be, but dirty in that way that meant in order to be clean, I did all the cleaning in the apartment.
One example: 1 and 2 left the first 3 day weekend of the semester provided by Big Money University (my alma mater), and also left an entire sinkful of food encrusted plates and silver ware. At first, I refused to do them. I refused to let anyone else do them. Then the smell of rotting food wafted through my kitchen/ dining room/ living room and I had to do them.
But the main incident I am discussing today occured a few weeks before Halloween.
Number 1 decided, in the name of holiday fun, to carve a pumpkin in our hermetically sealed apartment. (no windows could open, central air and heat). I eyed this ritual carving with some dismay, recalling, as always, the dishes incident. But lo, she cleaned up and the pumpkin did add a little bit of festivity to the room.
Some weeks later, I come into the apartment and happen to notice the pumpkin was crooked. I had been noticing for awhile the passing of Halloween and the continuing presense of said gourd, but I was playing the "Patiently Wait for Asshole to Become Human Being" game. Hmmm, I think that fateful day, I don't remember the pumpkin being one of those funny shapped pumpkins with a lot of personality. Approaching the pumpkin with great caution, I lift it up to check the shape, and the whole bottom falls the fuck off, rotting pumpkin everywhere. In a hermetically sealed apartment. Which I had to clean up.
Lesson for today kiddies: Pumpkins go outside at Halloween because thats where they get WEATHERED and dont stay indoors, where the lack of cold, wind, nature, etc., ROTS THEM.