Monday, April 28, 2003

Nothing better than starting the week off with a little reminder of your age. And not like, being carded for cigarettes, oh no.

There I was, talking to the Director of Administration for this crackpot university, blah blahing about important fisical information and the latest news on the budget processes, when the director of the film studies center, himself probably a somewhat famous, important person, approached to say hello.

Why, he asks, are refreshments out and all these young people milling about?

Why, replied the Director, its a gathering of "pre-frosh" who have been accepted here.

What? he asked.

Pre-frrrosh, she enunciated.

Oh, says he, and are these the super smart ones who got in early or something? with a smile at me.

No, she retorts, we are just doing are best to intice them to attend this school as opposed to any other.

And are you one, he asks?

Hell no, fool. I'm the person you have been emailing to get information on your accounts because you have no idea how much money you have or even if you can allow an employee to make an out of pocket purchase and be reimbursed for it. Thats right, the word is re-im-burs-ed. Thats what a reimbursal is. Thats why we call it, "employee remibursement". I've been running reports, sorting your funds, downloading and creating the most basic of worksheets, because while you may run the center, you don't have a damn clue as to how to read the simplest of fiscal reports, created for the very purpose of providing information to this university. I doubt you have even seen what a real report looks like. I'm kind of surprised you know how to use your email account. Just try and ask me a single thing, I'm so good I'm all over your shit like white on rice.

Actual reply: "Ha ha ha, no. I'm so and so. We've been emailing, remember? Nice to meet you finally, and I have those reports you asked for."

Later he called and asked for something else I had already done, just hadnt sent to him yet, and by way of apologizing, expressed the fact that many people take him to be an older man.

I don't really think that makes up for being suspected of being an 18 year old senior on the prowl for a college education. Unless he is 28 and then daaamn, cuz he really coulda used some sunscreen back in the day.

The most important lesson I ever learned from watching the Golden Girls: Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.