Thursday, April 10, 2003

There are times in your life when you just have to lie and get out of work for as long as possible. This is one of them.

Sometimes you have to get a little personal. You have to expand when you inhale. Even if it means breaking your own rules.

You have to sleep. More than you think you ever could. Sleep until the reality you aren't facing goes away on its own. Because reality is not a truism. It is not solid. It is simply the perception of things as they present themselves in whatever order and make-up they choose. Reality chooses, you choose as well. Reality dictates, but you receive the messages. There is a certain level of control in that, and a frightening amount of weight to juggle. Maybe the crazy people choose a reality we do not experience. Colors exist which we cannot see, smells we do not sense. This is not to say that everything is relative and there is nothing which is up or down, right or left. I believe in hard truths, even the ones that hurt, but I also now must let some truths wash over me and some take inside.

I believe that you may see me lying on the ground from where you stand, but here I am, pushing against a wall of earth with all my might.

I just have not decided whether I am digging in, or trying to stand. But I am pushing.

My cat has tunneled under the blankets on my bed and is sleeping. Soon I may join her.

The maintenance guy is here today as well. He has seen me in my funky wake-up hair, my unwashed face, my glasses and my all black- all cotton sleepwear. I have nothing left to hide.

I am impressed by one person right now.
She breaks my rules and does it with an ease I find breath-taking.