I've been randomly blog-surfing lately and feel rather uncool and definetly un-noticed. This blog has been up for-ev-er. I should be famous by now! I should have my own "yes man" and other assorted sycophants to keep me occupied and out of touch with reality.
Me: um, could you scoop the cat box? I keep forgetting.
Him: YES I CAN!
Me: Could you.. pull all the scummy hair out of the shower drain?
Him: ANYTHING FOR YOU!
Me: Forget that stuff.. give me all your money and buy me a ticket to Fiji on your credit card. Wait, just give me your wallet. Stay here, answer the phone, tell anyone who calls I have mono.
Him: SOUNDSS GREAT! YOU ARE A GODDESS!
Yeah.. sigh.. Speaking of cats, somehow dear Purry McFurry has managed to make it smell like pee outside of the apartment, but not inside. I really do not want to think about how she can possibly pee through the doorway or underneath the door or what. I sprayed pet cleaner out there and the roomate came in and said, "now it smells like pet cleaner and cat piss!"
Now don't get me wrong. I did not clean the hallway. I just sprayed the chemicals and closed the door. So if it still smells, well damn and who cares. I don't care. I hate my neighbors. I should throw the contents of the litter box at them when they walk down the street. Bastards play loud horrible bass-overly-amplified techno at ridiculous times of the day and force me to get up and pound on the wall when I'm napping/ sleeping/ reading/ living/ breathing. I was more concerned that someone from the corporation that owns my building might wander through and smell it. I'm not supposed to have cats.
Whatever, the other bitches next door aren't supposed to smoke dope and I know they do because I was sitting on our shared porch trying to enjoy an evening cigarette and this gawddamned idiot guy came out and went on and on and on, like this:
"Dude, what are you doing? Uh huh. Yeah. Well, like do you want to do something? Yeah. No man, really, I have to do something. Can I come over? No really dude. I came over here and all they did was smoke and smoke, and I don't smoke pot, but they musta passed that bowl around like, I don't know, forever... And now they are all so high they are just sitting there, all passed out and shit and I am like, so bored. Can I come over? I can bring beer. 20 minutes. Cool."
And your damn straight I would narc those sororo-whores out in a minute if they did anything to endanger my cat. They already ruined that smoke.