Monday, June 09, 2003


I am going to delve into horribly overcharted territory (see every self-help section in any bookstore in the USA) right now and speak on the topic of relationships.

I have been in them and I have been out of them, so I have some qualification. Plus, I have read Cosmo and have not killed myself.

When you average it all out, from the lovey dovey beginnings to the bitter emails exchanged at the end, relationships pretty much suck/rock.

Yes, thats right Virginia, its a 50-50 split, but that doesn't zero it out- because, in the end, its completely and totally subjective.

Are you an optimist? Then every ending is a new beginning, and every failure is really a success bringing you that much closer to the one that lasts forever. And for the negative thinkers in the crowd- every ending is another reason to drink and if you notice, you really seem to be drinking a lot lately. Until you are dead and know the end of your story, you just don't know about relationships. It isn't a glass half-full, its a glass and a bunch of liquid floating in zero gravity and you might possibly be upside down.

And, for an added bonus, I threw a party this past weekend which at any given moment contained at least one ex, and at its height, three of em. In the same apartment. On a day that I got dumped. Oh irony, how I love you most of all.

So is it, "sigh, single again" or "please call me Sister Maria-Center of the Universe-Clara"? I haven't quite decided.

The art of co-existing with other humans is obviously quite difficult, and for proof of this I reference the rise and fall of Jerry Springer, war, and the creation of the thong, but the addition of feelings, emotion, attachment, and that dirtiest of words, love, makes it nigh impossible. And yet, effortless. What a conundrum. I hope thats spelled right. We all of us are little attention seeking whores at heart, and want that feeling of satsifaction that comes from having that one person in the universe who has quite possibly seen us naked and still likes us a lot. We all of us seek out perfection in another human being so that we can worship it, cherish it, secretly resent it, hate the way it tucks in its shirts, but ultimately forgive it for everything because we are bigger than that and continue loving it. We are all of us completly terrified to be loved in return, and some of us are very stingy with the giving away of love. We should none of us love people who wear tapered jeans. It is a crime against humanity.

And I have absolutely no conclusions to make. I guess, like the blog itself, I'm just posting and publishing to make a point that I had this thought. When I am dead I will tell you all what I have concluded. But you will all have to wait a very long time, because I have plans. Plans which include blue hair and pinching hot male ass as often as possible because when you are a senior citizen, you are entitled to do whatever you want and let everyone know that all the time. At least, thats what public transportation has taught me.

Learn at least one life lesson from all of this silly nonsense today: Give up your seat to the elders, children, because they may possibly let every single person on the car/bus/plane/street/universe know what an asshole you are otherwise.