Monday, June 30, 2003

This morning, whilst going through my regular routine (stumble, make coffee, wait, drink, stumble less back to room) I had three revelations.

1. There IS a job worse than mine: Weather Channel News Anchor. Have you ever watched the Weather Channel past the point where you hear about your own "Local on the 8"? After you turn off the tv, those poor anchors go through the exact same reports, over and over, the Southeast, the Northeast, the Midwest, the West Coast. And then they cut to the "travel expert" or the "storm expert", poor idiots who sit there and try to make interesting news out of the weather affecting the drive from Washington, DC to New York and the possibility of a collision of low and high fronts over Mobile, Alabama. Over and Over. As if, at any moment, from one commercial break to another, a stunning headline will come rushing in and there will be an "interruption in your normal broadcast for these emergency weather reports!", and you see the tv guys hairy arm reach over the desk to Heather Tesh and hand her a bundle of papers while she presses on her ear microphone thingy, quickly bringing us news of a nuclear winter, because until that happens, the weather is going to remain relatively consistent from 9 am to 10.

You know Heather Tesh is the bastard sister of John Tesh, unable to make it in Hollywood, left to keep saying the same thing over and over, stand in front of the same blue screen over and over...
Yup, worse than accounting.

2. DO NOT PUT IN CONTACTS BEFORE CAFFIENE-ATION. This morning, I opened the left eye lid, took out the left contact, said in my brain, "this is the left", and promptly shoved the fucker in my right eye.

3.I don't remember. I'm sure it was a deep and insightful look at American society today. I have a dim memory of being angry at the 8 AM bus, which didn't come until 8:20 and thinking Monday mornings the bus is never on time and I should stop trying. Maybe that was it.