Friday, August 01, 2003

An interesting occurance in the universe-

Now, I have never mentioned this phenomenon before, because you all have dirty dirty brains that will lead you to think or imagine things about me that might not actually be happening. But, I'll just come right on out and say it.

Sometimes, when I am using the bathroom at work, the sensor lights turn off while I am sitting on the can.

Now is not the time to use your imagination. On these occasions, I have just been sitting. My business is finished. I really do not want you to think in anyway about anything that happened in there aside from the subject of lights turning off.

However, yes indeed, this happened more than once. There I would be, quietly sitting, often ruminating on something- why do human beings like to think whilst perched on the toilet?- just sitting there, not doing anything, thinking, or not thinking for once... and the lights would turn off, and suddenly there I would be, butt on seat, total blackness. For one second I would have the strange fear that those lights were not going to come back on, that I would have to stumble and grope around the bathroom, and try to get out without embarassing myself in anyway, which of course, was quite possible considering my bare ass was on the toilet seat. Needless to say, I would just wave an arm and the lights would click back on, but it still left me feeling weird.

And then, this week, two times on two different days, the lights went out in my office. I have definitely sat in here before, doing nothing nothing nothing (hence the birth of this blog) and the lights have always remained on.

In fact, I marveled that the lights in the bathroom, where I am certainly more active (stop imagining) would turn off and the lights in my office never did.

And then they did.

But- I was extremely busy at my computer when they turned off! I was trying to figure out how to use Adobe Photoshop (it comes with no directions and even the help menus are difficult) to improve my team's webpage, which I am planning to completely revamp and redo. I was running Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Image Ready, open websites, reading old materials, desk full of shit, desktop full of more shit, and somehow- the freakin lights turned off. I mean, the only logical explanation for this is that I must have been really intensely busy, so much so that I was completely still, except I had to be using the mouse, these programs demand it - which then means I wasn't completely still.. And what about all those times where I was just sitting at this desk, reading webpages, playing computer games, wasting away the days- and the damn lights stayed on?

Having automatic sensor lights- whose very definition is to be on when there is a presence in the room- go off while you are still there, whoa. Am I not human enough for these lights? Do I not have a presence, my electrons circling around my protons, exchanging themselves, producing chemicals, creating atoms, creating cells, creating creating creating so my blood constantly flows and my lungs inhale, my heart beats, my brain electric and alive? Alive? I move therefore I am?

There is nothing like the feeling of a totally inanimate object dictating the being of your existance. Or, the existance of your being. Its just like when your at the ATM and its one of those touch-screen ones, and you touch and touch and jab and poke and stroke the little button image and not a damn thing happens. You see that you have hands. You feel your hands touching. But the ATM doesn't...

Once my father made some silly nostalgia-addled comment about the "better times" before technology. My response: "Too damn late! Its been too damn late to complain about technology since the goddamn Industrial Revolution. Thats a bunch of crap! You didn't even exist when technology didn't exist! Shut up!" (we really have a great relationship, I swear).

But sensor lights? Obviously someone somewhere fucked things up.