Thursday, January 08, 2004

Kiss your mother with that mouth?

I have to say, I wish there was a way to bring the peace and calm of a shower into other aspects of my life.

I wish right now my desk faced the door and I could stop being paranoid about who might be seeing just how little work I do.

And I wish that the marketing fiends who push tapered pants onto an unsuspecting populace would finally be overthrown and brought down low like the dirty dogs they are.

Tapered pants are not your friend. You may think they are making your ankles look slim and lovely, but in fact, they are just emphasizing how very much the human leg looks like a big old drumstick.

Mmm, drumstick. Meaty goodness.

Its great when members of the opposite sex take one look at you and start to drool. Its not so hot when they are starving third world children mistaking you for their next meal.

I even look at the so called "straight leg" cuts with suspicion.

Please, don't fall for anything that says "relaxed fit" or "comfortable"-- its just a trick! If it doesn't fall naturally over the ankle, its the devil's handiwork! Put it back!

And for heaven's sake, if you don't realize that the cuffs of your pants should GO PAST the top of your shoe, then just give up now. Your life is empty and wrong.

Down with tapered pants! Viva la revolucion!