Wednesday, January 14, 2004

The real deal

Aries-- This year is going to be filled with a lot of the same-old ho-hum shit. Don't get too excited, although Mars is entering your house for the first time in quite awhile. These past too years were really crappy without good old Mars, but at least your future isn't going to be overwhelmingly much of anything at all.

Oh, Aries, you're so stubborn and pig headed, just like that scoundrel Aries, God of War! What a joker he was! You are not as funny as him, but you're funny, you know- just not as much. However, after closely examining the bottom of my foot, I am happy to report that you will not be meeting anyone of any romantic interest anytime soon. And my warts are gone.

Sure, you'll run into a possiblity here or there, but mainly- you're gonna stay at home and watch tv. Just control yourself with the late night snacking, fatty!

And, fiscally speaking, you will be buying a lot of things for yourself. You want that platinum and diamond nose stud, and I think you're gonna blow the cash on it! And why not, if you're going to look like you've got a semi-precious pimple on your nose, might as well as make it a real diamond, and none of that CZ shit.

By the way, on the 1st, 31st, 25th, and 3rd, you will be annoyed by loud talkers on the bus. You will get to work late during the week of the 9th. And a bad hair day. A few actually, but I'll let them be a surprise.

In conclusion, embrace your true self and stay away from Emeril. He is really the devil.