Friday, February 27, 2004

Hijinx Ensue

Certain things in this world puzzle me.

One of them is antibacterial soap- isn't soap, by its very nature, antibacterial? But I digress..

Here's what got me thinking-- While perusing my list of favorite blogs, catching up, I came across a very unpleasant comment left by one "Matthew" on the site of one of my personal hero's, The Break Up Babe.

Basically, "Matthew" told our intrepid explorer of Romantic Life that she was neurotic, her blog a warning to all men about how kuh-razee us chicks are, and completely not worth the hours he spent reading all of the archives.

Now, is it just me, or does this seem a little ass-backwards, if you know what I mean. Its kind of like picking up someone's personal diary and writing "your life is boring, your handwriting is bad, you have no concept of a narrative voice".

Why take this time to read an entire site if you know you don't like it? Why oh why leave a comment letting that person know that you didn't like the site? Who cares about your opinion on someone else's life?

Google something else and get your rocks off on some other part of the internet!

This reminds me of the time that I met up with an Internet potential who jokingly emailed about digging "asshole" chicks only to find out in the looooong hour we had coffee that he really did like assholes. Rude, mean, intellectually snobby phonies who never say please or thank you and walk around with a real french attitude ("Zis werrld iz so verry boring, I am Franch").

Do you know how far one please or thank you can get you? Do you understand that the people behind any counter, anywhere in the world, are human beings too?

Now you may be shocked to hear me, The Center Of The Universe, espouse a care and concern for the common people, but guess what? This is my internet persona. In real life, I'm a common person too. That's why I have an internet persona- because the real one isn't so exciting and it gives me pleasure to lie about how cool I am.

I'm a smart person, I am. When I find something distasteful and annoying, I try to find something else, I don't hang around and wallow in it.

There is this guy who rides the bus with me in the mornings. He wears pleated and cuffed tapered khakis with huge white sneakers and I hate it. Oh god, do I hate it. He has this huge duffel bag that he leaves in the middle of the aisle on crowded rush hour buses so no one can get past and because of him, I have had to stand face to someone else's armpit one too many times.

Monday morning, will I walk up to him and say:

"Your pleated and cuffed khakis are the very worst thing I could see this early in the morning. I can tell that you are painfully unaware of your fashion faux-pas and I find such ignorance in today's world completely inexcusable. I also see that your bus etiquette leaves a lot to desire. Do you know that you are the jerk taking up the center isle because you are too stupid or too shitty to put your bag UNDER the seat next to you to SAVE SPACE? I just don't like you as I see you present yourself to me. Thank you for paying attention."

No. Why in the hell would I take the effort to formulate the sentence to speak out loud to a total stranger and thus identity myself to him as a supreme asshole extraordinaire? A real asshole doesn't need to put down other people to their face- a real asshole knows its much better to publish anonymously on the internet, to say thank you to the guy who has the power to spit in your burger without your knowledge, and to leave people's boring or retarded blogs alone, because there are a bijillion other better people in the world to read about and criticize and judge.