Friday, March 19, 2004

Vanity

I just got a terrible haircut. Its one more thing in a line of terrible events that have occurred in the past 3 weeks.

Really, what just happened is that I got sprayed in the face with water and let someone put hair down my collar. I didn't really get a haircut at all- the damn woman clipped the ends off and said, "okay!"

I had one horrendous haircut once before. I suppose this one now isn't really horrendous- its just a huge disappointment. I;m trying to grow out my old punk rock shorn locks, so having a good haircut is a huge deal. All of you long haired beauties can throw that shit back in a pony tail when it gets frizzy or oily or whatever. Me? I walk around with a mushroom fuzz ball, or look like someone slicked down my hair with motor oil. Oh no, a good haircut is a most important thing.

So there I was, walking down the street, 'la di da, getting a haircut, gonna look cute' and here I am sitting in my office, 30 minutes later, furious, crying like a baby, and wondering why the hell I let that woman walk all over me.

The worst haircut of my life occurred at one of those ten dollar places. It was so bad, when I went to a real salon and pleaded for help, the stylist actually made a hissing noise while trying to understand what had happened to my head.

I admit it, I went to the ten dollar place again- well, different branch entirely, but same idea. Except now its $12.99, and I should have already learned my lesson- if you go to the ten dollah place, you get a ten dollah haircut.

Man. Why in the world is it impossible to get a good looking cut without spending big time cash?

Now normally, I wouldn't really mind the cost- I'd go to some place affordable (under $50) and I would tip nicely (making it maybe $35 to $40). But as mentioned above, some very significant things have occurred and one of them directly affects my cash flow.

Lets make a list, shall we?

1. I ended a relationship with a psycho hose beast, but not after having to exchange more than one "please leave me alone, I don't like you" email/IM/text message and participating in a ridiculous number of "conversations" about our feelings. Here's the kicker- we went on 4 dates. I'm never dating a woman again.

2. My sleep pattern is disturbed. Actually, I have no sleep pattern. But I'm getting really good at this whole insomnia thing. I think its gonna be my new hobby. Screw knitting, I'm fucking not sleeping!

3. The Original Poopy, the Wonder Dog, the Schmoo to end all schmoos, her Royal Laziness, was put down. I have known this dog almost my whole life, and she wasn't just a pet, but a member of my family. Now we are smaller, and sadder for it.

4. I am now disabled. Okay, "disabled" is a stretch. I'm going on disability for my Carpal Fucking Tunnel Syndrome. And maybe you're thinking, oooh lucky biatch gets a 4 week vacation- but you are entirely wrong.

What I get is to use up my hard earned vacation time (a whole week!) in order to afford the mandatory two week UNPAID waiting period before disability kicks in. That's right, NO FUCKING MONEY-- unless I use my vacation time, my rightfully deserved paid time off, earned and accumulated throughout the 2 years I have been at this job. And disability coverage? 70% of my normal pay.

Not only am I now the proud owner of GIMP hands, I am also PAYING for it. I might as well have chopped off my hands and sold them on the black market --I'd probably have made more money, but in the long run I wouldn't have any goddamn hands.

Do you know how useful your hands are? You have no idea.

AND NOW I have gimpy hair! To match my gimpy hands!

The irony in all of this- I think its irony, and not just a bad coincidence- is that when I was very horribly depressed, not too long ago, everything in my life fell to shit simply because I couldn't handle it... I lost friends, argued with my loved ones, destroyed all confidence in myself, became an isolated, anti-social Anime watching hermit freak, but somehow, I survived.

Now, sanity is returning to me. I can actually leave my house without wanting to vomit. I can hold a chopping knife and not be scared. I laugh when its funny and I cry when its sad-- and the WORST POSSIBLE THINGS ARE HAPPENING NOW!

When I was depressed, it wouldn't have mattered! I was unhappy anyways! No I wasn't unhappy, I was incapable of happy- Carpal Fucking Tunnel would have been totally a breeze compared to the shit that was happening in my brain.

But here I am, fully conscious and trying to figure out how to participate in a reality I have been away from for almost 2 years, and now I get to drop out of work and sit on my ass with my hands wrapped in metal splints and hair that is poofy.