Thursday, May 20, 2004

Ni Hao Ma?

Neighbor Stan*, my biggest crush from high school, my not-afraid-to-call-me-a-bitch-to-my-face-friend, and an overall good dude, fell in a hole in China.

He fell in a metal hole in a dark grassy field, while practicing Kung-Fu.

He went to China to live in a monastery where he would eat, sleep and live kung fu, so that he can be an even cooler dude. While in China, he was doing some kind of kick thing and forgot to "expect the unexpected", namely, a big ass metal hole in which he fell, cutting up his leg something fierce and requiring stitches. I assume they are Chinese stitches, since he is in China. (I don't really know if that makes a difference, but they are communists, know what I mean?)

His words: "expect the unexpected"

Of course its a contradiction in terms! I don't even have to tell YOU, my dear readers, that its a totally whack statement. You can't expect something if it is unexpected. Its like saying, I have one oreo and one un-oreo and if I eat the oreo, I will still have an oreo left over. No, you won't. There is no such thing as an un-oreo, dumbass.

I bet there are a bunch of people out there, trying to live their lives by the motto "expect the unexpected". And these people are dumbasses. You never know when that piano is gonna come a-tumbling from the sky to splat you on the sidewalk where you stand. And if you pretend that you are indeed living your life with the expectation of said piano at any single nano-second of your existence, then I think you must have a case of constant, once more for emphasis, CONSTANT diarrhea. Because when you die you loose control of your sphincter and if you are expecting the unexpected, you are expecting death, and you're shitting your pants.

*if you didn't realize it yet, not one single name on this site is the for real name of the person.