Wednesday, July 21, 2004

bathroom wars

Almost every morning for the past two weeks, at right around 7:50, I triumphantly realize that once I brush my teeth, I will be ready to leave for work.  Its BEFORE 8 AM!!  For the longest time, I didn't get out of the house until at least 8:15, meaning I had to wait for the 8:30 bus, which meant catching the 8:45 bus after that, and not getting to work until 9:15 or 9:30.

However, on my triumphant walk to the bathroom, I have been stymied, stopped in my tracks, held up, and frustrated every single time because my roommate is already in there. 

I have always thought it strange that men seem to take so long while making the No. 2, but now I know it is a genderless problem, America.  They go in, the door closes, and 30 minutes later the toilet flushes.  I understand that in some emergency situations, a prolonged bathroom session is necessary, but every single time?
My roommate is amazingly on schedule.  I realized that if I want the added bonus of not having to be to double check that the coffee pot is off before I leave, I was going to have to dominate that bathroom.  Luckily, she gets up at some ridiculous time, and even though my alarm goes off at 6:30, I'm not out of bed until at least quarter past 7.  At that point, she has already showered and dressed, so the bathroom is mine.

My problem is, I'm a "brush teeth after food" kind of person, not a "brush teeth first thing in the morning" gal.  I can pretty much get it all done and then go make my lunch- but I'm still working on that delicious cup of coffee and I really really don't want to mix in the minty flavor of toothpaste.  I turn my back once, and there she is-- the bathroom door dark against the glimmers of light leaking through the frame, completely silent and still inside, just letting time slip away.

Goddamnit, woman, hurry up and poop.

And don't get me started on the lack of courtesy flushing that happens in my house.  I just don't see why you can't poo, flush once for social grace, finish and do the final flush... Why just sit there the whole time?  And for chrissake, those stupid scented candles just make it smell like shitty flowers!