Tuesday, July 13, 2004


I don't want to go all Oprah on you, but I have always been on the chubbier side. When I was a kid, at every yearly checkup, my doctor would pull out that motherfucking chart and show me just how far outside the slope of normal height-weight development I was. I still hate that chart.

So, I was a chubby kid, and then sort of evened out in high school (along with a concurrent aerobics freakout at 14), and then put it all back on, but in a more pleasing post-pubescent way, freshman year of college.

And now? Let's just say that I put on a bit of holiday weight, going waaay back to Christmas, all though I'm sure the ribs and potato salad (try making it with sour cream instead of mayo- mmm mmm!) this Fourth of July didn't help. Or perhaps, let's say I'm a smoker, who doesn't exercise, has bad heart-genes (3 out of 3 men on the paternal side have had some kind of heart surgery), that really likes peanut butter.

Either way you slice it, I'm a fatty boombalatty.

I don't like to talk about weight. I think its stupid and a waste of my time. I have never meet one woman who has a realistic concept of her figure. Most think they're fatter then they really are, aren't often honest about what they eat and when or how much, and just about everyone wrinkles their nose when looking in mirrors. Gross. When I say "fatty boombalatty" its because I AM OVERWEIGHT. I don't always pick up the healthiest thing at the grocery store, I loooove Dunkin Donuts, I consider treating myself once a day an excellent philosophy on life, and I prefer to smoke and watch a marathon to actually running it. I do however, try to eat those damn 5 fruits and/or vegies a day. I drink 2% or skim milk. I eat brown rice. I prefer my broccoli raw and I use macadamia nut oil because of the high level of monounsaturated fats, which is tres good for you.

And with that lengthy justification, I now admit that I am on the South Beach Diet.

Yes, I sold out to the no-carbs gods. Its day three. I haven't lost anything yet, but I have had:

2 mozzarella sticks
2 tablespoon of peanut butter
1 slice of fat free ham wrapped around 1 oz of cheese (Cheese is sacred.)
1 serving ground turkey with black beans lunch
1 serving chicken- pistachio salad with romaine, arugula, raddichio, and cucumbers in an avocado dressing for dinner
1 low-fat yogurt cup
15 almonds
10 cigarettes
1 low- carb Atkins approved (I hate myself!) fat free fudge bar