Thank you Democratic National Convention.
Because of you, I have been afraid of the bus.
Because of you, I have feared that the bus would be overwhelmed with snobbish "I normally drive my Audi into the city but because of the Democrats, I'm riding the bus with the riff raff" neighbors of mine. I would be hours late to work. There would be bottleneck from I-93 all the way to my front door. Five buses filled with downtown-workers would pass me before I could sardine my way into half a foot of empty space on number 6.
My commute was supposed to be hell.
Because of you, I have been getting up at an extremely painful hour, only to find that the hour-long bus ride has become a twenty minute bus ride that gets me to work so effing early, its embarrassing. NO ONE rides the bus that frickin' early because NO ONE needs to be at work at 5 past the ass-crack of dawn!
All of your bluster has frightened the other worker bees away. They all took the week off, except me. BUT BECAUSE OF YOU, downtown is so empty, all the delegates are coming to Harvard Square to ooh and ahh at red brick streets and Urban Outfitter's basement bargain room. All of the power suits and power ties and press passes are in Cambridge! They crossed the river! No one told me that they would be crossing the river!
I WAS GOING TO BE THE ONLY PERSON IN HARVARD SQUARE THIS WEEK BUT NOW I'M SWARMED WITH CONGRESSIONAL AIDES AND THOSE DAMN 'ELECT JOHN KERRY NOW!' KIDS WHEN I AM TOTALLY VOTING FOR KERRY, FOR CHRISSAKE, HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM! You've got my vote! Now let me sleep in!