Tuesday, July 05, 2005

lame duck

Its official, I'm cursed.

First, I threw out my back on the toilet.

Then, I slipped and scrapped all the skin off my knee.

And last night? I stepped into a saw and punctured the top of my foot. No really, a saw. A rusty, dirty saw that has been lying in the same place in my house for over a week now, with my every good intention of picking it up and putting it away floating around it, until last night, when I literally ran my foot into it in the dark. Stupid saw!

So yeah, it bled and throbbed and swelled up. I washed it with soap, slapped on some neosporin and a bandaid, and then spent thirty minutes looking up "puncture wound foot" on the internet. I now know a lot of stuff about puncture wounds, tetanus, and orthopedics. Yay, internet!

I also learned that I did everything right. When you get a cut, especially one that could be full of nasty tetanus bacteria, follow these simple rules:

1. Allow it to bleed a bit. I did this when I hobbled from the dining room (home of the man-eating saw) to the kitchen and then to the bathroom, dripping blood all over the place because its really hard to keep a foot elevated when you need it to walk. The blood, while gross, helps to clean out the wound.

2. Wash it with soap and warm water. Forget all those fancy super anti-bacterial creams and lotions, the best way to clean a wound and get the germs out is with good old soap and water. I never trusted that anti-bacterial soap shit. Isn't soap, by its very nature, anti-bacterial?

3. Elevate and rest. I took some tylanol, stuck a pillow under my foot and went to sleep. Sometime this morning, a cat woke me up, so I rolled out of bed and promptly realized that the large swollen knot on my foot was indeed the very same thing that was causing me so much pain while standing on it. Who woulda guessed that?

I tried to crawl back into bed and go to sleep, but my foot was all, "throb throb throb". So, I grabbed an ice pack and watched some Buffy. Then I got a last minute appointment with my doctor and tried not to kick her in the face when she pressed down on the swollen lump and said, "does it hurt here?"

I'm getting an Xray tomorrow, just in case some of the saw is still stuck in my foot. Guess what else I am doing tomorrow? Taking the bus to New York! Spending the weekend celebrating nuptials and seeing friends! With a broken ass swollen throbby foot!

Cursed! Do you see? Even the french guy was like, "what the fuck is wrong with you?". Three months he has lived with my family and every single month I have a new injury. Plus my typical assortment of anxiety days, depression days, grumpy days, just feeling like watching tv days, and gawd! leave me alone days.

Actually, he said "I am feel so sorry for you!" by which I'm pretty sure he meant "I'm so sorry that happened!" but obviously, something was lost in the translation.