Wednesday, November 29, 2006

black gold, texas tea, oil that is

I didn't get to do my Somewhat Annual Thanksgiving post this year (I am somewhat wont to do it from year to year, get it?). This year, instead of sitting at a computer trying to come up with yet another list of funny things to be thankful for, I was in Texas, visiting with the Special Lady Friend's friends and family.

A few things I thought about Texas prior to ever stepping foot that far West of the Mississippi:

1. Texas is West.

Apparently, Texas is not West. Its Texas. Also, to some, its Southern. And they put cream gravy on everything. And I am a Yankee. Well, a gay man with an eye infection called me a Yankee while disregarding my sage advice about antibacterial eye drops.

2. The West is desert. Texas is desert.

Dallas/Fort Worth, where I was, is not desert. Its sprawl.

Maybe its an East coast thing, but they sure do have a lot of SPACE out there. And its not like Dallas is some kind of hick town filled with one-eyed two-teethed cowboys spitting on everything and shooting their guns into the air.* Its chock full of condominiums, shopping malls, Targets, and parking lots-- just like here! But with SPACE all around it! Open space!

Also, having lived in places where you walk everywhere, I always secretly dreamed of a land where I would have to do nothing but drive my lazy ass around in a car. Texas is that place. They call it "Dallas/Fort Worth" but Fort Worth is like an hour away! Its the equivalent of thinking Washington DC and Baltimore are the same metropolitan area. Hello! Its Minneapolis/St Paul because Minneapolis is right next door to St Paul. Dumbass Texans.

On the other hand, Texas has one of the MOST WONDERFULEST THINGS EVER:

Its a used book store, okay, but its the size of a Border's or a Barnes and Noble. Even better, its organized like a real bookstore, with no tottering piles of moldy paperbacks or surly unemployed artistes not really directing you to the section that you want for a book they can't be sure is there.** And all of the books are CHEAP AS SHIT! The first time there, I spent two hours wandering and got three books. The second (oh yes, there was a second), I spent 40 bucks and got like, a bajillion books! Which I then made the lady friend carry home.

Thanks for taking me to Texas!

*You could kind of consider that sentence as Misperception #3. While I did see a horrifying preponderance of leather fringe and cowboy hats, I really only saw ONE cowboy. I don't know if he had all of his teeth, but he did have both eyes and was not, sadly, spitting or shooting his guns. He was so damn tall and skinny, when he turned sideways I lost him. Ba dum ching.

** I actually love used books stores. And vintage buttons.